The Great KH Misadventure
by King Attolis
Summary: In which Kairi gets her sorry ass kicked by two completely normal teenage girls, Sora is extremely confused, and Riku just wants a churro. Requested by Neko Berry-chan


S'UP PEEPS, GUESS WHO'S BACK? Noooo not the Governator, moi~! Yeah I know that's not as exciting but bare with me. ._. Okies so this was a request from Neko Berry-chan, a supah awesome crack filled KH fanfic with us kicking Kairi's ass. Sadly, I was being very retarded when working on this because by the time I finally started writing she took down the description of her OC so instead of OCs there shall be real life humans in this story! Yaaay~!(?)

I owns nothing of the KH sort, if I did every fangirl in the world would be very happy.

* * *

"Neko Neko-chan~!"

"…Ehhh?"

"What?"

It's just one Neko."

"Oh…Neko Berry Berry-chan then!"

"If I'm going to be referred to as 'Neko Berry Berry-chan', then you're gonna be 'Rin Rin Moe-chan'."

"NOOOO! I'll be good."

"Good."

Berry knew how much Rin hated being called 'moe' or 'cute', and hey – use what you know to your advantage right?

It was nine in the afternoon – which is actually night time not afternoon time Panic! At the Disco – when Rin found Berry playing with her stuffed animals in the middle of Central Park. Lord knows what two teenage girls were doing in the middle of New York City at night, but as soon as they laid eyes on each other they decided to become BFFs.

"I thought we were going to be BBFs." Berry apparently said to no one as her Edward bear totally pwned Captain Jack in a fight for the world's best burrito EVER.

"Who're you talking to?"

"The narrator of course."

"We has narrator!" Rin gasped in reply as she used her vast knowledge of lolcats language. Frippin' internet addict.

"Yeah, he's the one who called us BFFs when we're clearly BBFs." Berry said – hey! I'm doing my best here! The hell is a BBF anyway?

"A best bro forever!" Rin and Berry said fist bumping.

"This narrator's totally wack yo."

"Ditto."

Okay really guys, no one's talked like that since the 90's.

"Yeah you should know old man."

"Word bro." Berry and Rin were looking more and more insane to the group of homeless people toasting marsh mellows over a barrel of fire ten feet away. Young kids these days, talking to someone who's not really there. Must be all that McDonald's they eat.

Rin gasped in pure shock, "You did NOT just insult the American food icon."

And if I did?

"Then you're fired. This is our fanfic, not yours. Have fun looking for a new job Mr. Big-Booming-Voice," Berry said with a triumphant smirk on her face while Edward enjoyed his burrito and Captain Jack was wheeled to the hospital.

You know what? Screw this. I don't need this. I have otherworldly godlike narrator powers. I can do whatever I want.

"Blah blah blah, all talk and no action. Just leave before you make an even bigger fool of yourself. Berry and I are going to go wreak havoc upon the population of Gotham City as soon as Captain Jack gets his flu shot," Rin replied watching as the monkey refused to be injected with the suspicious liquid that was grape juice – through a needle! A big, sharp, scary needle! So brave…

The narrator had had enough. You could tell he was pissed because he started to refer to himself in the third person. With all his magicalness powers, the giant sewer plate that Berry and Rin were sitting on disappeared, and they were sucked into a giant psychedelic rainbowific vortex of doom and doom like things. Where it leads, nobody knows. Psssh, and you thought they'd land in the crocodile infested sewage of New York City didn't you? Aha, you poor simple minded people you.

"Hey Rin, how long have we been falling?"

"Approximately ten seconds. Why?"

"The bright gay pride colors are burning my eyes."

They continued to fall for another 3.48 seconds before they saw a tiny shining light in the distance.

"Look look Berry! A light!" Rin exclaimed with happiness and joy.

"You're right! Maybe we'll finally get out of this blinding thing!"

"Wait doesn't the saying go 'Don't go into the light'?"

Berry stared at Rin, hair flying everywhere as they continued to fall, before she came to a realization.

"Holy Hufflepuff! You're right! Quickly, swim! Swim in the opposite direction!"

Berry and Rin began to swim as fast as they could back up the vortex in vain. Silly girls, you can't swim upwards while falling. It defies the laws of gravity. Only the Governator can do that.

"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming!" Rin started to sing try desperately to get away from the bright light they were getting closer and closer to.

"It's no use Rin! We can't do it! And to make matters worse, I think I left the stove on!"

"What really?"

Berry gulped and slowly nodded.

The last thing that was heard in the vortex of doom and gay colors, were two girlish shrieks as they were engulfed by the light.

* * *

"Hey Sora, what's wrong?"

"Huh? Oh nothing Kairi."

"But you've staring at the sky for the past five minutes."

"It's just that…I could've sworn I saw a flash of light right next to that cloud," Sora pointed towards said cloud.

"You mean the one shaped like a coconut?" Kairi asked pointing in a completely different direction.

"No no the one I'm pointing at, the one shaped like a piggy!"

"So…the one that looks like a T-Rex?"

"…Remind again how you're one of the Seven Princesses of Pure Heart."

"Um, cause I'm pretty, duh!" Kairi said matter-of-factly, flipping her pretty hair that just happened to be attached to her oh so pretty head.

"Riiight. Well I'll just be leaving the-hold on…There it is! The flashy light!"

"Huh where?" Kairi turned in the exact opposite direction of said light.

"There right there!" Sora pointed in vain. "Wait it's coming right toward us! Kairi, run!"

"But like, running takes a lot of effort and I'll get all sweaty and icky."

"Damnit woman just run!"

"But-" She never got to finish her sentence, as the bright shiny meteor rammed right into her, sending her flying into a palm tree.

"Kairi are you okay!" Sora called out as he ran to where she landed. 'Hey she flew over a hundred feet!' Sora thought as he ran. 'That's a new record!'

"Hey Kairi are you ok-what the?" As he came to a stop he discovered that the meteor wasn't really a meteor, but two young girls.

"Woah déjà vu. Um, is everyone okay?"

The two girls groaned in pain as they sat up, revealing an unconscious Kairi.

"I'll take that as a no." He helped them to their feet. As they stood clutching their heads in pain – due to the crash of course, they're not old enough to drink yet you sillies you – it was there that he took the moment to look at them. The taller one had long wavy black hair, while the shorter one had short curly brown hair and glasses. The one with long black hair opened her eyes first.

"Where are we?" She said looking around.

"Destiny Island." Sora replied.

She immediately froze in place. "Wh-what did you just say?"

"Um, Destiny Island?"

Slowly, she turned her head to face Sora." OH. MY. , Rin l-look!" She waved her arm up and down slapping Rin's arm, not once taking her eyes off the now confused Sora.

"What? What is it?" The one apparently named Rin asked in annoyance. Her friend just pointed straight ahead. Rin's eyes followed, stopping at Sora's face.

"OH MY HOLY CONDOM BOMBS! Do you know who you are!" Rin squealed in excitement.

"Last time I checked I was Sora…"

"EXACTLY!" Both girls squealed with what can only be described as pure fangirlism. Sora could only sweatdrop as the two girls huddled together speaking in hushed whispers and squeals. As soon as they calmed down, they turned back towards Sora.

"I apologize for our behavior; it's not every day you get to meet the legendary Keyblade wielder in the flesh. Let me introduce ourselves, I am Berry and this is Rin. It's a pleasure to meet you," The now named Berry said all business like, holding her hand out for a handshake. OBVIOUSLY. Why else would you hold your hand out? Well…nevermind.

"Nice to meet you too." Sora smiled and shook her hand.

"Well now that the formalities are done, HOLY CONDOM BOMBS WE'RE IN KINGDOM HEARTS!" Rin squealed reverting back to fangirl mode. –coughretardcough-

"I KNOW RIGHT? YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?"

"OH YES. I DO."

They both looked down at the unconscious Kairi, creepy grins forming on their faces. In perfect sync, they sang sung:

"Oh Kairi darling~ Wakey wakey~"

* * *

AND END CHAPTER UNO. Phew, all done~ -W-

Mweehee, and you were totally expecting a oneshot weren't you? NOPE! This will most likely be a twoshot, possibly even three. Sorry if the first chapter was boring and not that cracky, I had to set things up for the next chapter. D: Well toodles for now my lovely duckies~!

REVIEW AND I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVAH.


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